Category: Featured (Page 2 of 2)

Lost Monet: Snowy Night in Norway #1


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In a recent trip through the basements of France, Roadkill Pancake made an amazing find: a series of paintings Monet created during the winter of 1885. These newly discovered paintings are aptly named “Snowy Night in Norway” and come from his White Period.

We are now offering these beautiful paintings, starting with “Snowy Night in Norway #1.” The work features a Norwegian field in the middle of January during a heavy snowfall. In the distance stands a solitary Arctic Fox, seemingly at peace with his surroundings.

“Snowy Night in Norway” shows Monet’s careful use of both color and texture, as well as his obsessive attention to the interplay of shadow and light.

You can now become the proud owner of one of Monet’s lost works and hang this on your hard drive or display it as your wallpaper for everyone in the office to see.

Soccer is a “Sport” – 2022 Commemorative Ball


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After years of watching kids prance around the field in low-scoring games, the United States has reluctantly agreed to admit that Soccer is a Class 3 Sport. The change will put soccer in the ranks of pinball, cornhole, synchronized swimming, and beer pong, which have each been recognized as sports for 25+ years.

“While not a real sport where there is either a ball that can move at 90+ mph or physical contact (sorry, flopping is not contact), Soccer will be allowed to call itself a sport,” said Tom Lugger, head of the U.S. Committee for Sports Classification. “I was initially against the change, until the my sister’s 9-year-old started having a hissy fit. So, I thought. What the hell. It ain’t football, but it can’t hurt anymore than marching band did in turning America in a land of sissies.”

To commemorate this “honor,” you can buy one of these commemorative soccer balls. Because of the dubiousness of the decision, we will dump… that is sell these at a very low price.

The money from the sale of this item will be used to buy beer for the Roadkill Pancake team, so they can wipe the memory of this tragedy from their minds.

Oldest Recorded Blockchain


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Archaeologists have identified the oldest recorded blockchain in human history (or prehistory).

A team at Oxford University has concluded that this particular prehistoric rock formation perfectly mimics the core elements of Satoshi Nakamoto’s original source code. In each rock are etched almost unnoticeable patterns that correlate perfectly to patterns visible in the blockchain’s source code.

“This changes everything. It’s a monumental find that fundamentally changes our understanding of the blockchain,” said Dr. Hilary Holgarten, Director of Archaeology at Oxford University. “Crypto has been around a lot longer than we ever supposed. It dates all the way back to Stonehenge, possibly further.”

We are releasing this exclusive, one-of-a-kind Roadkill Pancake NFT to commemorate this historic discovery.

“It’s almost as if Satoshi copied this,” added Holgarten. “I know this for a fact because I ran it past my son, who has made a killing on Alt Coins.”

The Great Wall of America


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Since President Biden seems to be letting Trump’s only legacy fall into disrepair, China has stepped in and offered to pay for Trump’s Wall. Not only that, but the Chinese Communist Party is willing to foot the bill for extending the wall, not only all the way across our southern border, but also our northern one.

“This isn’t to keep Mexicans and Canadians out of America,” said an unnamed Chinese official. “It’s to keep Americans in!”

That’s right, China wants to build a wall around our entire country.

“The American imperialists must be contained,” continued the official. “And we are prepared to fund it. We will call it The Great Wall of America.”

Trump reacted to this news by nearly choking on his McDonald’s Big Mac. “This is all because Biden, our illegitimate President, isn’t doing his job! He should be funding my wall. We shouldn’t have to turn to the Chinese for handouts,” ranted Trump in a two-hour diatribe about how the election was stolen.

“I prefer to watch it crumble,” responded President Biden. “It wasn’t doing a damn thing anyhow.”

MaoChain


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China just renamed and rebranded the blockchain.

The Chinese Communist Party’s version of the blockchain is now called the MaoChain, in honor of Chairman Mao.

“This is the first fully centralized decentralized blockchain in the world,” said an unnamed Chinese official. “Everyone has access to a private wallet owned by us. It’s the blockchain with Chinese characteristics.”

Other countries were quick to follow, with the launches of VladChain, KimChain, and TeodoroObiangNguemaMbasogoChain.

China also plans to ICO their own crypto currency, which they are calling Ping Coins, after you guessed who.

“This will be very stable. Much more stable than Bitcoin or any of the imperialist stable coins. I promise you, it will never fluctuate. Never!” said the same unnamed Chinese official. “After all, it’s crypto with Chinese characteristics.”

Supreme Justice


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This is a photo of the pubic hair that Clarence Thomas so judiciously spotted on his can of Coke.

As it turns out, Anita Hill saved this specimen as proof of the infamous deed, but sadly, she never submitted it to Congress.

This rare piece of evidence have been buried in the annals of history, if it had not been for one enterprising maid, who stole the follicle and had it DNA tested.

Through the miracle of genetic databases, we now know the true culprit. The hair’s DNA has been matched with that of Sandra Klock, a receptionist and part-time Yoga instructor, who worked in the same office as Thomas and Hill.

“I’ll admit it,” said Klock. “I had a big crush on Clarence at the time. I put my pubic hair on his coke thinking it might get his attention. But tragically, it didn’t work.”

Seeing the immense opportunity for profit, Klock and the mysterious maid have partnered to release this historic image to the public.

“I feel it’s my duty as a patriotic citizen,” said Klock in an interview with Roadkill Pancake. “And yeah, the money also played a part.”

Hearing of this, Justice Thomas reacted with fury, saying, “You have no right to sell this NFT without first consulting me. Without me, no one would know or care about your pubis or its byproducts. It’s because of me your bush is famous!”

Justice Thomas has demanded, in lengthy legal terms, that Klock split any profits from the sale or licensing of her pubic foliage 50/50 with him.

“If this woman fails to grant me my just compensation,” declared Thomas, “I will sue her ass all the way to the Supreme Court, if necessary. And no, I will not recuse myself from this case.”

Hello, World!


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Looking for a better way to start your day and a path to world domination? Now you can own the official Roadkill Pancake NFT of “Hello, World!”

These two seemingly innocuous words have a long and storied history. They date all the way back to Brian Kernighan and Dennis M. Ritchie’s book, “The C Programming Language.”

Back when these two words first illuminated a cathode ray monitor, who could have imagined the impact they’d have. For decades, this code has been the first step most pimply-faced, young programmers take on their way to building empires like Google, Facebook, Twitter, and of course, Roadkill Pancake.

Fortunately, now you can own these exact lines of code as an NFT and let it inspire you to greatness. Yes, with this snippet of code, you too can change the world.

The Origins of Twister


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While many believe that the game Twister was invented by Milton Bradley in the 1960s, the truth is far more interesting. The gameplay of Twister was in fact created by the Romans in around 150 A.D. and was called “ante orgy” or “before the orgy!”

In the game, a servant pulled colored testicles of castrati from a jar, called the color, and everyone was required to put their foot on the corresponding color. If you fell, that meant you were required to move to the bottom of the orgy. It appears that people would fall on purpose, so the game tended to end quickly.

The game was a great success and was largely forgotten until orgies and key parties came about in the 60s.

Purchase this limited edition and capture a twisted moment history!

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